My Counseling Approach
If you’ve ever experienced overwhelm, you’re probably human.
Hurt and hardships are unfortunately a part of living. Things outside our control can impact us at any time, sometimes positively and sometimes negatively. The beauty of being human is that there is an innate resilience to withstand or overcome the negative. But when stressors become “too much” and we feel ill-equipped to withstand these afflictions, we experience distress or despair.
I derive my conceptualization from the ABC-X model of family stress (McCubbin & Patterson, 1983). When a stressor (A) occurs, if one has sufficient resources (B) like relational support, emotional distress tolerance, and financial resources alongside of constructive meaning-making (C), then one can withstand a crisis (X).
However, if one lacks adequate resources or has negative perceptions about oneself or the situation, then one may succumb to distress, which may lead to further overwhelm or crisis.
Where Do Problems Come From?
All mental health struggles have a neurological basis.
When one lacks emotional connection, experiences crippling anxiety over the future, or feels the stress of financial instability, all of those experiences are being processed by the brain.
Our brain’s first job is to keep us safe and alive. When we experience “too much,” our brains can shift into preservation mode (like power save mode on your phone). You can feel lethargic, burned out, or stuck.
Likewise, the narrative that you tell about yourself has a large influence on how you perceive not only yourself, but also the world around you. The reticular activating system is one of the structures in the brain that tells us what to focus on (or avoid).
Our brains process billions of bits of information per second; it has to narrow its focus somehow. When your narrative is pessimistic (“No one loves me,” “It’s impossible to change,” “I suck”), your brain will start to interpret the world through that lens.
What ultimately ends up happening, however, is that you feel worse about yourself in a space where you need compassion.
You’re not crazy. You’re human.
You’ve experienced real and difficult things. Your brain and body are simply doing its best to keep you safe.
What is the Path Forward?
Change is made by restoring a sense of ability & permission.
1. Ability — Restoring Your Skills & Resources
First and foremost, your brain needs to be brought out of its “fight/flight or freeze” state.
Processing hardships verbally and somatically (e.g., crying, movement, deep breathing) calms the limbic lobe (which moderates stress response) and informs your brain that you are safe.
You may have heard of the phrase, “You must feel it to heal it.” This form of catharsis helps your brain & body release the stress, tension, and trauma that has been withheld (sometimes for years), allowing you to experience relief physically, mentally, and emotionally.
My background in emotionally focused therapy, EMDR, and neurofeedback can help you safely and effectively move through this discomfort. Additionally, I welcome & partner alongside therapies like EMDR, neurofeedback, and psychedelic-assisted therapies (e.g., ketamine, psilocybin) to foster integration and maximize change.
It is also important to consider your current life circumstances — work/school, family, peer relationships, romantic relationships, finances, lifestyle, fun, sleep, spirituality, etc. These are all important dimensions that make you, you.
Where would you like your path to go? What would you like these aspects of your life to look like?
Even though you may not be able to perfectly map out your end destination, you can set up sign-posts that will guide you along the way. With curiosity, I help you identify, develop, and lean into your values so that wherever you choose to go, you’re able to live each moment of the journey with authenticity.
2. Permission — Reframing & Rewriting Your Narrative
Hard things are unavoidable, but that does not mean that you’re merely along for the ride.
Part of the path forward is recognizing the areas of life that you do have control over. When we experience trauma or have been dismissed by loved ones, we can feel powerless or voiceless.
The process of reframing your narrative can help you recognize that even though those things have happened, that does not mean it prevents you from taking up space in the present.
You may have the skills, resources, and ability to make change; but do you feel permission?
Likewise, you can also recognize and relinquish control over things that you do not have control of. In the midst of uncertainty, you may have learned to “hang on” by doing more, controlling more, or trying to earn more affection.
Reframing your narrative can help you recognize that your worth is innate and that you don’t have to do more to be more. Part of the journey is learning how to cherish and care for yourself in the way that your inner-child needed. You can be that companion for yourself as you move forward.
Conclusion
Each person has their own unique experiences, hurts, hopes, and needs, and yet all have a similar thread of being human. Whether you need to enhance your resources or improve your self-narrative, counseling can help.
My role is to join alongside you in your journey and to help give you the support and resources to move forward with confidence and self-assurance, even in the unknown.
References:
McCubbin, H. I., & Patterson, J. M. (1983). The Family Stress Process: The Double ABCX Model of adjustment and adaptation. Marriage & Family Review, 6(1-2), 7–37. https://doi.org/10.1300/J002v06n01_02
